Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
