And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
