$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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