omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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