They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
