We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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