you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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