The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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