I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
