Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
