he wants to bone in the snuggie
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
