I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
