Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
