its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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