I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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