problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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