I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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