"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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