hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize