Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
