im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
