It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
