There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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