you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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