is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
