She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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