i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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