Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I pour the whiskey from now on
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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