I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
