wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
