I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
