If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
