dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
