you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
