do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
