finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can I color on your dick again?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm like, not good at living.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
