I want to have your abortion
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you didnt know i had herpes?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
