i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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