my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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