At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
