You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
