god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
