you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
