god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im part way to drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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