I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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