u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
