The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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