is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
