I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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