nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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