Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
