dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
