i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
