So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
