currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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