Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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