I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
