I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
