hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
