I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
