Can Purell be used as lube?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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