Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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