Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
