If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
