She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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