It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
