yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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