Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
