So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
