dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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