She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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