he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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